ECHOES FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE
"It all has to burn, it's going to blaze. It is filthy and can't be saved. A couple of good things will burn with the rest but it's o.k., every piece is part of the ugly whole. Everything conspires to keep you hungry and afraid for your babies. Don't wait any longer. Waiting is weakness, weakness is slavery."
Music has always been more than just sound to me, it has been my closest friend since a child. What started as casual car rides filled with my mom's old music taste or my dad's failed attemps of showing his own weird taste, turned into something much deeper, evolving with every phase of my life. In this section, I share my personal journey through musi: from upbeat indie tracks from Mother Mother or The Living Tombstone to darker, more goth sounds such as Depeche Mode or Joy Division that reshaped me.
BEFORE 2022
...
AFTER 2022
Everything changed in the summer of 2022. I was stuck in a village, not a tiny one but a town where my family spent every summer. I was left alone most of the time with my grandma and her weird friends. There were occasional visits from my uncle and his partner, they stayed for a while. My mom stayed too but only for one or two weeks. The rest of the summer I was truly an utterly alone. What made it worse was how my only friends there treated me, they avoided me. Obviously they had their own friend group but as I tried to temporally include myself, I have never felt so out of place, so invisible.
So, I found myself with headphones on nearly all day, mostly on Youtube, and that's how it started, how I found one of my favourite albums of all time. Violator by Depeche Mode.
VIOLATOR BY DEPECHE MODE
World in My Eyes
Personal Jesus
Waiting for the Night
Policy of Truth
Sweetest Perfection
Halo
Enjoy the Silence
Blue Dress
Clean
This is my second favourite track in this album. Let's be honest, this song is about sex, not in a explicit way but disguised with a slow beat and flirtatious lyrics. This song radiates confidence and control. And what at first it feels romantic the more you hear it the more aware of the sexual innuendos you are, this is done using metaphors. One of my favourite lyrics is this, mainly bc of how suggestive it is: "Now let my body do the moving, and let my hands do the soothing".
This track is all about power and need. The beat is dirty and pulsing, and the lyrics play with religious imagery to talk about wanting someone to lean on, physically and emotionally. It feels iconic, but also intimate. But the lyrics are kind of messed up if think about it. The line that sticks with me is: "Reach out and touch faith". It's so simple, but it says everything about craving connection in a world that feels hollow.
I love this one for how quiet and soft it is. It's like a lullaby for the lonely. The idea of waiting for the night because the darkness hides all the hard stuff during the day is something I really relate to. It's peaceful but also sad. I really like these two lyrics and how the singer makes the last word sound: "When everything's dark, keep's us from the stark reality" & "And there in the still, all that you feel is tranquillity".
There's something cold and sharp about this one. It's about consequences, how telling the truth doesn't always set you free, and sometimes it just ruins everything. I like how matter-of-fact the delivery is, like the narrator has seen this happen again and again. This part gets stuck in my head: "Never again is what you swore, the time before". It's a loop of regret.
This one feels like an addiction set to music. The lyrics talk about obsession and desire, but in a way that's both tender and desperate, and slightly suggestive. It sounds like someone clinging to their last bit of hope or joy, no matter how toxic. I love the rawness of the vocals. This line always hits me: "Things you'd expect to be having effect on me, pass undetectedly". It's like he's saying nothing else matters anymore, just this one perfect thing.
I always think of this song as being about the moment someone realizes they've been idolizing a person who's not what they seemed. The synths are lush and dramatic and mixed with a omnious sensation, and there's this undercurrent of disillusionment that grows with each verse. This lyric gives me chills: "You wear guilt like shackles on your feet, like a halo in reverse". It's such a poetic way of saying someone's darkness is disguised as virtue.
This is my favourite track of the album and for a few years my favourite song of all time, that whole year I even memorised all the lyrics. This is the anthem of quiet lovers. I think it's about how words can ruin everything, sometimes silence says more. It's both melancholic and uplifting, especially with how it builds. It feels vast. This lyric is my favorite: "Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm". It's so simple, but it makes you think about how often we mess things up by trying to explain what we feel.
This one feels voyeuristic but in a delicate, emotional way. It's not just about seeing someone in a blue dress, it's about being completely overwhelmed by the simplest things someone does. The music is sensual and almost sacred. I always come back to this line: "Putting on a blue dress, you're always trying to impress, but you're not, you're always true". It's love mixed with awe and a little obsession.
This is a perfect closer. It feels like someone trying to start over, but the past is still there, just under the surface. The beat is steady, like a slow march forward. It sounds like someone coming out of a storm but still dripping wet, but at the same time like someone is trying to convince themselfs they're doing okay. This lyric wraps it all up for me: "The cleanest I've been". It sounds like a confession and a cry for help at the same time.
